


Tibette's journey through s2, s3, and s4

by NotEvryoneNotYou



Category: The L Word, Tibette - Fandom
Genre: Character Analysis, F/F, The L Word - Freeform, Tibette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23869609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvryoneNotYou/pseuds/NotEvryoneNotYou
Summary: This is a follow up to my last post.An analysis of Tibette's journey back to each other.This analysis covers Tibette’s development as individuals in s1, s2, s3, and s4.
Relationships: Tibette - Relationship, Tina Kennard/Bette Porter
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	Tibette's journey through s2, s3, and s4

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I keep writing these things when I have a ton of things to write... let's call them "writing exercises" or "writing warm ups" to the writing I should be doing ;)
> 
> Credit to the song that inspired this analysis:
> 
> Great Heights by The Postal Service
> 
> "I am thinking it's a sign  
> That the freckles in our eyes  
> Are mirror images  
> And when we kiss they're perfectly aligned
> 
> And I have to speculate  
> That **God Himself did make  
>  Us into corresponding shapes  
> Like puzzle pieces from the clay**
> 
> And true it may seem like a stretch  
> But it's thoughts like this that catch  
> My troubled head when you're away  
> And when I am missing you to death
> 
> And when you are out there on the road  
> For several weeks of shows  
> And when you scan the radio  
>  **I hope this song will guide you home**
> 
>  **They will see us waving from such great heights**  
>  Come down now, they'll say  
> But everything looks perfect from far away  
> Come down now but we'll stay

Now that we’ve assessed Tibette’s dynamic in s1 and established that it was unsustainable in the long run, we can now talk about their journey back to each other. This analysis covers Tibette’s development as individuals in s1, s2, s3, and s4.

At the end of s1 their relationship crumbles to the ground and starting s2 we see the aftermath unfold. Apparently Bette is still sleeping with the Carpenter, and Tina is still crashing on Alice’s couch. Five months passed between s1 and s2, which I would assume it to be enough time for Bette to figure things out.

The scene at the planet when Tina flips the table points to Tibette having had a conversation about the affair at some point, and Tina asking Bette to cut all ties with Candice if she wanted to work it out.

Bette: “I didn’t look for you sooner because I wanted to make sure I could do what you asked of me. I’m never gonna see her again. I’m never gonna THINK about her again.... I told her you were the love of my life and that I didn’t know what I was thinking.”

Tina: “did you fuck all night before you told her I was the love of your life this morning?”

Bold of Bette to assume that she could have the affair, get whatever fever out of her system, and that she would return to Tina without a problem.

Oh Bette, oh Bette, oh Bette.

She’s not completely wrong though, because the old Tina would have probably taken her back without too much fuss. But by now Tina had started to change. Nobody goes through that much pain without coming out of the other side a different person.

So when Bette is ready to work on their relationship five months later, she finds a Tina she doesn’t recognize. What do you mean Tina won’t take her back? My sense is that Tina let Bette get away with a lot of stuff in their previous relationship, because Tina literally worshipped the ground Bette walked on.

We learn then that Tina inseminated herself without Bette knowing because she wanted to protect Bette from another miscarriage. Like, !!!!!. If that doesn’t tell you the level of love and devotion Tina has for Bette, then I don’t know what will.

And it is tragic, because this makes the betrayal at least Ten times worse. While Bette was out there whoring around, Tina was out there protecting Bette from another heartbreak. The miscarriage broke Tina, yet she was willing to go through it again, alone this time, to protect Bette. Tina is a boss.

It is clear Bette didn’t give herself any room to process the pain from losing their baby. She didn’t allow herself to feel any emotions all. To be “strong”, according to Bette, is to have control over ones emotions. So Bette suppressed all her emotions to be there for Tina. I’m sure a ton of us can relate, right? Unfortunately for Bette, those emotions tend to crawl up on you when you least expect it in unrecognizable forms. They can take the shape of an affair, maybe.

Bette started to have doubts about her relationship with Tina before the miscarriage happened, though. These doubts came from all the responsibilities she had to assume as the partner of a pregnant woman. Not only was she responsible for keeping a roof over their heads, but now she was also required to be Tina’s emotional support, full time. So for the first time Bette finds herself having to prioritize Tina over all of her needs

Remember when Tina freaks out when Marcus’ girlfriend freaks out on her and ends up calling Bette nearly in tears to tell her she really needs her right now? Bette was in a business trip in NY, and they were having a dinner in her honor, but she had to drop everything to make it back home to be with Tina, and when she makes it home it turns out it was a false alarm.

Bette knows she can’t be mad at Tina for freaking out, she is actually pretty sympathetic and nurturing towards Tina. But her face says it all. Is she really ready to give up moments as important as the one in NY to run to be by her partner’s side? Is this something she’s really willing to give up to start a family?

The miscarriage, once again, pushes Bette to prioritize Tina’s emotions over her own, and Bette ignores her own emotions completely. It is not clear how long Tina grieves losing their baby, but throughout her grieving process Bette stays “strong.”

What I find really beautiful is that even though Tina was wrapped up in her own pain, and couldn’t be emotionally present to help Bette process her own pain, Tina was still keenly aware of Bette’s pain. Tina knew that even though Bette didn’t show any emotions, the feelings were eating her inside. 

Tina understood that Bette would eventually crash, and crash she did. Remember when Bette is taking a shower right before the gallery opening and she literally crashes? Tina walks in to find Bette crutching down in the shower, and her reaction tells us that Tina has been to this rodeo before. She knows the drill. It sounds like she was even expecting it.

Tina: “You just need to get through today and tonight and then you can crash. You deserve to just fall apart.”  
Bette: “I might.”  
Tina: “Well if you do, I’ll take care of you. Ok?”

Tina has perfect timing. By the time Bette is crashing, Tina is bouncing back from her own emotional crash so she can be there to catch Bette as she falls apart. What Tina doesn’t know is that Bette had been crashing for a while now, and that a carpenter had been helping her cope. 

In the same scene, the shower scene, Bette asks Tina about trying to have a baby again. Tina tells Bette she needs a little more time to be ready to try again, but Tina is already pregnant here. She doesn’t break the news to Bette because she understands that this is Bette’s turn to fall apart. She doesn’t want Bette to worry. She will tell Bette once she bounces, once she’s sure the egg will stick

The fact that Tina inseminated herself and hid it from Bette to protect her from another heartbreak makes Bette’s affair look even worse. And Tina probably feels like the biggest fool in the planet for it too. Because here is Tina selflessly choosing to protect Bette from another heartbreak, and it turns out Bette is a selfish asshole.

Even though it nearly destroys them, getting a consultation with Joyce Wischnia helps Tina learn to stand up for herself. Joy opens Tina’s eyes to the fact that she had been too selfless in their relationship, that she had prioritized Bette’s needs over her own for way too long, and that had Bette taken advantage and screwed her over. 

Tina understood then that if she wanted to get back with Bette things would have to change, Bette could no longer be the center of their universe.

It’s really hard to see how much Tina missed Bette and how much she still loves her despite everything that happened. Its really hard to see how badly she wanted to go back home, but she had no control over it, Bette had all the control to make it happen.

Tina knew things had to change, she just didn’t know how to make them change. But she has the wisdom to push back while she’s trying to figured out exactly what she needed. She doesn’t allow Bette to run the show

Bette is all out of sorts with this knew Tina. It almost seems like Tina speaks another language now, and Bette still hasn’t figured out how to speak to her. Tina herself doesn’t even know this new language she’s speaking. The more Bette pushes, the further Tina gets from her. They’re caught in this push and pull trying to figure out how to speak to one another when Helena enters their lives. 

There’s growth for Tina through her relationship with Helena, and there’s growth in Bette through therapy. But not enough to break their old cycle. Tinas relationship with Helena was pretty casual, I don’t think she ever had any feelings for Helena. Sometimes I think Tina dated Helena because Bette cautioned her not to. 

Unfortunately, Tibette got together too soon. Just when they had started to break old patterns they end up back together. And this is mostly because of the circumstances. Bette needing Tina after losing her dad and Tina getting close to giving birth to their daughter. 

Neither one of them had a chance to process the affair. Bette hadn’t figured out what the affair was all about, and Tina had not processed the anger and pain that resulted from the affair. They both just got wrapped up in baby land and forgot that there were issues that had to be dealt with. 

This is why I’m not surprised their relationship fell apart again in s3. They went into it with no foundation, without a plan, without even knowing why their relationship fell apart in the first place. And now they have a baby that brought along new challenges in their relationship.

At the beginning of s3 they are struggling to have sex. There’s clearly something wrong, so much so that they end up going to see a sex therapist. Tina seems to have a hard time allowing Bette to touch her, and she says it is because she’s uncomfortable with her body after giving birth. Which is probably in part true, but I think there’s a lot more to it.

I suspect the pain and resentment from the affair is getting in the way too. Tina never processed any of it, there was no closure to her pain.

Intimacy requires trust, and if that trust is broken, how is intimacy suppose to happen? The fact that Tibette get back together means nothing in terms of trust. Here’s a word of wisdom: you don’t get back with someone unless you are ready to forgive and move on. 

Forgiveness is a process, though, and it only happens when both partners are able to understand why the affair happened, and that needs to happen before either partner can move on. Tibette never went through this process.

Of course Tina would have trust issues with Bette, and the fact that they struggle to communicate doesn’t help matters one bit. But also, Bette is notoriously known for being clueless about what’s happening around her. 

So now they find themselves in a relationship where there’s no trust, and where there’s a wound that that still needs healing.

I’ve always had a really hard time making sense of Tina’s behavior in season three. It’s hard for me to get into her head to understand her behaviors. A lot of the things she did seemed out of line, even for someone in pain from having been betrayed. 

The whole lying and hiding that Angelica has two moms, her trying to erase her relationship with Bette (technically a marriage), having sex with Henry in the bed they shared for years, etc. This is the best I’ve been able to come up with, as far as Tina going back to men.

Tina uses having a baby as an excuse to why she has a hard time being intimate with Bette. But her behavior in later episodes of s3 contradict this. Not too long after going to sex therapy Tina starts pursuing men. First daddy02 on the internet, then the guy she works with, and she finally ends up in a relationship with Henry. 

So It is not just a lack of desire to have sex or feeling insecure about her body what’s stopping Tina from having sex with Bette. Unprocessed pain from the affair seems to be playing a bigger role than the other two things.

In s4 Tina talks about the reason she went back to men. When talking about Nina in a lez girls meeting, Tina says that the reason she went back to men was because of the humiliation of finding out that her lover was cheating on her. 

She pursues men in season 3 because men are easy targets, really. And pursuing men seems to makes her feel empowered. Men, sort of, just fall at her feet. I think Tina has sex in their bed with Henry to feel empowered too. To reclaim some control.

Is there anything more humiliating than finding out your partner had sex with another person in the bed you shared with them for nearly a decade? (might’ve been a decade by then). Thank god Bette never found out. 

I think we can all agree that Tina never “loved” Henry. That’s not what their relationship was about. In the scene where Tina breaks up with Henry she talks about their relationship being about fucking, that they liked fucking and that’s why they were together. 

Her relationship with Henry was another stepping stone for Tina. Tina not only pursued Henry but also seemed to hold a lot of power in that relationship. My assessment is that a lot of her behavior in season three was tied to reclaiming power. It doesn’t excuse her awful behavior but at least it begins to explains it.

Bette took all those punches like a champion. Sadly, I think it was through this extremely painful experience that Bette finally learns to process and deal with her emotions. She has no choice, really, because the punches keep coming and she can’t even dodge them. The woman she is sure is the love of her life leaves her, and Bette has to see her rebuild her life with another person. 

Bette is also grieving losing time with her daughter, and at some point is facing possibly losing her daughter completely (when Tina is thinking about marrying and Henry is asking to adopt Angelica). There was no way of protecting or suppressing that amount of pain, so she had no choice but to allow herself to feel the pain.

Season three for Bette is all about finding herself. Ironically, it turned out that without Tina, Bette didn’t know who she was either. Tina defined Bette just as much as Bette defined Tina. They both got lost with each other. Her journey is painful, and a lot of the things that are happening to her are out of her control. She's basically in Tina’s place in s2. 

Unfortunately, Tina uses Angelica to exert power over Bette. Thinking of it, in season three Tina dragged Bette through the mud. To her credit, I don’t think Tina was doing all of those things consciously, I think in trying to find her voice she ended up doing a lot of things that hurt Bette deeply.

In season four the struggle is over. Tina finds her voice and in her voice she finds her power, so she no longer feels like she has to battle it out with Bette. Not in the way she had in s3. In season four its pretty clear they both find themselves in equal footing. 

Tina moved a few steps up, and Bette moved a couple of steps down, and now they’re meet at the same level. Having arrived at that equal footing is what allows them to become friends, and what allows them to be vulnerable with each other again.

This is why I love season four so much. Season four is all about Tibette healing and learning to be friends again. We see that Bette has learned to respect and admire Tina. So much so that she is now taking dating advice from her. I think Tina was always genuine in trying to help Bette be a better partner to Jody. But the more she helped Bette, the deeper she fell for Bette. 

By the end of season four, Tina knows she’s in love with Bette, and that’s why she can’t have sex with anyone else. Remember that chat with Kate Arden about why Tina wouldn’t go back to her place the other night? “It was Bette.”

Through their new friendship Tina is also able to talk to Bette about the things they never talked about when they were together. About Bette’s control issues and her tendency to take so much space in their relationship. 

Tina is brutally honest but Bette is ready to listen, she’s ready to admit to her mistakes, and she’s ready to take accountability for her actions. There are two key scenes in season four that are key healing moments for Tibette.

The first scene is the heart to heart conversation Tibette have right before Jody walks in and Tina meets her for the first time. The scene where Tina asks Bette if Nina is real reflection of who she is, where Tina reassures Bette that what they had was real, and where Tina admits, “I miss our life” and “sometimes I think I made a mistake.” That whole conversation was Tina’s apology to Bette. 

(so Tina wanted Bette back before she even met Jody).

The second key scene is the pool scene. Where Bette asks Tina to help her understand what she does wrong, to help her understand what makes people run away from her. This scene is Bette’s apology to Tina for taking too much space in their relationship, “I’m sorry I must’ve been awful.”

Through their friendship in season four Tibette finally learn to communicate. And we also see them grow together. Tina learns to assert herself with Bette and Bette learns to follow Tina’s lead. 

Even though we ALL know Bette’s heart never moved on from Tina, this new phase in their relationship makes Tina even more attractive to Bette. And I’m not really sure if Bette realizes it or not, but she’s definitely falling even harder for Tina. Tina though, is painfully aware that she’s falling hard for Bette. I guess this can be the topic for another post XD

Oh how I love season four. There’s also a ton of jealousy going on, mostly from Bette, but Tina has her moments too. It’s super cute. So for me season four is the build up to all the sexual tension in s5.

Anyway, this is how I’ve always interpreted their relationship arc. I’ve always seen their arc as inevitably leading them back to each other. Maybe consciously, or maybe unconsciously, but by the end of that arc there’s no question that they belong together. They really end up fitting together like perfect puzzle pieces from the clay.


End file.
